Discover the biggest relationship mistakes women make that put them at risk and learn how to stop repeating these patterns to protect your well-being.
When it comes to women’s safety, the most overlooked threats often stem from emotional vulnerabilities and ingrained behavioral patterns. While society focuses on physical safety, relationship mistakes women make can be just as harmful emotionally and psychologically.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 1 in 4 women in the U.S. experiences severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Additionally, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that nearly half of all female homicide victims are killed by a current or former partner.
These alarming statistics highlight the importance of recognizing the hidden dangers that put women at risk. Learning from relationship mistakes and understanding how to stop repeating relationship mistakes that put women at risk is crucial for breaking unhealthy patterns.
Dangerous Relationship Mistakes Women Make
Recognizing these relationship mistakes is the first step toward empowerment and protection. Here are the most common mistakes women make and how to stop repeating them.
#1. People-pleasing and lack of boundaries
Many women struggle with people-pleasing, often sacrificing their well-being to meet others’ expectations. This behavior stems from a desire to be liked or accepted, leading them to prioritize others over themselves.
Not knowing how to say no or set personal boundaries opens the door to toxic relationships, emotional manipulation, and burnout.
Establishing clear boundaries is crucial for protecting one’s emotional health, maintaining self-respect, and fostering healthier connections.
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#2. Ignoring intuition and second-guessing
Women often have strong intuitive senses, yet many second-guess their instincts due to self-doubt or societal conditioning. Ignoring these internal red flags can lead to dangerous situations, both emotionally and physically.
Trusting your gut instinct is essential for navigating relationships, avoiding harmful people, and safeguarding yourself. Honoring your intuition empowers you to make better decisions and avoid compromising your safety.
#3. Giving them the benefit of the doubt
While empathy is a strength, giving someone the benefit of the doubt despite clear warning signs can be risky. Doubt exists for a reason, and dismissing it can lead to emotional or physical harm.
Predators often rely on a woman’s willingness to overlook red flags. It’s important to balance compassion with discernment and hold others accountable for their actions rather than making excuses.
“Doubt exists for a reason.”
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#4. Giving them a second chance
Offering someone a second chance can be a kind gesture, but in the wrong hands, it can be dangerous. Narcissists and manipulators often use tactics like “hoovering” — drawing someone back in with false promises or affection — to regain control.
This cycle of re-entry and abuse can escalate risks, even leading to life-threatening situations. Trust actions over apologies and prioritize your safety over the desire to give someone another chance.
“A snake only sheds its skin to become a bigger snake. If you couldn’t trust them then, don’t trust them now.”
#5. Assuming others share your kindness
Believing that everyone is as kind and loving as you can make you vulnerable to exploitation. While seeing the good in others is beautiful, not everyone operates with good intentions.
This assumption can lead to misplaced trust and emotional harm. It’s important to stay kind but cautious, recognizing that not everyone deserves your empathy and understanding.
#6. Focusing on potential over reality
Seeing someone’s potential rather than accepting who they truly are can trap women in unhealthy dynamics. This mindset leads to ignoring red flags in favor of an idealized version of someone.
Hoping a person will change or live up to their “best self” often results in disappointment and heartache. Recognizing actions over promises helps avoid toxic relationships and encourages healthier connections based on reality.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~ Maya Angelou
#7. Falling for manipulative behavior
Emotional manipulation often comes wrapped in sob stories designed to evoke sympathy. Manipulators exploit kindness and compassion, using emotional appeals to control or take advantage of others.
While it’s natural to want to help, it’s essential to set boundaries and assess whether someone’s story is genuine or a tool for manipulation. Learning to differentiate between true vulnerability and deceit protects your emotional well-being.
#8. Overlooking sinister motives behind the mask
People with harmful intentions often hide behind charming facades, presenting themselves as trustworthy and kind. Failing to look beyond the mask can lead to dangerous entanglements.
Manipulators and toxic individuals are skilled at concealing their true motives, so pay attention to inconsistencies in behavior and trust your instincts when something feels off.
#9. Numbing and substance abuse
Using substances to numb emotional pain is often a sign of PTSD or unresolved trauma. Alcohol, drugs, or other forms of escapism may provide temporary relief but ultimately prevent healing.
Self-medicating can make women more vulnerable to toxic relationships and risky situations. Seeking therapy, support groups, or healthier coping mechanisms fosters emotional resilience and long-term well-being.
#10. Not healing your childhood trauma
Unresolved childhood trauma can influence adult relationships, leading to repeated patterns of self-sabotage or acceptance of toxic behavior. These deep-seated wounds often create emotional blind spots that prevent women from recognizing harmful dynamics.
Healing your shadow self through therapy, self-reflection, or support groups is vital for breaking these cycles and fostering healthy, fulfilling connections.
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#11. Minimizing red flags and making excuses
Many women downplay harmful behaviors, making excuses for others to avoid conflict or maintain harmony. This tendency to rationalize or justify red flags can lead to deeper involvement in toxic relationships.
Recognizing and acting on early warning signs is crucial for personal safety. Trust yourself to walk away when someone’s actions compromise your well-being.
#12. Believing everyone wants to change
One of the most dangerous assumptions is thinking that everyone desires personal growth. Some individuals thrive on toxic behavior because it garners attention, control, or validation.
Believing that love or patience can inspire change often leads to emotional harm. Accepting that some people enjoy being toxic helps protect your well-being and encourages healthier boundaries.
#13. Falling into the soulmate/twin-flame trap
The idea of soulmates or twin flames can sometimes cloud judgment, making it harder to recognize toxic dynamics. Believing someone is your destined partner may lead you to overlook harmful behaviors, thinking they are part of a “spiritual journey.”
In many cases, these intense connections serve as lessons rather than lifelong partnerships. Recognizing when a relationship is meant to elevate your growth — not entrap you — can help avoid prolonged emotional harm.
#14. Over-reliance on external validation
Seeking validation from others can make women susceptible to manipulation. When self-worth is tied to external approval, it becomes easier for toxic individuals to exploit emotional needs.
This creates a cycle of dependency, where a woman sacrifices her own needs to gain acceptance. Building self-confidence and practicing self-acceptance is key to resisting manipulation and maintaining emotional autonomy.
#15. Fear of abandonment and being alone
The fear of loneliness often drives women to stay in unhealthy relationships. This fear can cloud judgment, leading to settling for less than they deserve.
Emotional dependency on others for happiness or self-worth can trap women in toxic dynamics. Embracing solitude and cultivating self-love empowers women to make healthier choices and seek relationships built on mutual respect.
“Only when you embrace solitude and find joy within yourself will you cease to accept unworthy company.” ~ Priya Florence Shah
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#16. Believing love can fix everything
While love is powerful, it cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change. Believing that love alone can fix toxic behaviors often leads to disappointment and emotional harm.
This mindset can trap women in cycles of trying to “fix” partners who are unwilling to grow. Recognizing the limits of love helps maintain healthy emotional boundaries and fosters more balanced relationships.
#17. Being averse to change
Avoiding change and staying within your comfort zone can lead to stagnation and exposure to recurring harmful patterns.
Growth often requires stepping into the unknown, confronting fears, and challenging ingrained behaviors. Embracing change empowers women to break free from limiting cycles, fostering resilience and stronger personal boundaries.
#18. Staying “friends” with an ex
Exes are exes for a reason. Staying friends with an ex might seem mature, but it can open doors to emotional manipulation or even danger.
When someone has already proven untrustworthy or harmful, maintaining contact can prolong emotional wounds or rekindle unhealthy dynamics.
Prioritizing emotional distance helps in healing and creates space for healthier connections.
“Exes are exes for a reason.”
Empower Yourself Through Awareness
Women’s safety goes beyond physical protection, covering emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and strong personal boundaries. Learning from relationship mistakes helps women avoid toxic relationships, emotional manipulation, and unnecessary harm.
In this Relational Intelligence MasterClass, renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel explores the art of meaningful connection. Learn how communication and relational intelligence can help you build deeper, more authentic relationships in all areas of life.
In her MasterClass, Esther Perel shares her innovative methods for enhancing intimacy, trust, and communication, offering insights that apply to personal and professional settings — from the bedroom to the boardroom.
- Develop Self-Awareness and Empathy: Understand how self-awareness and empathy shape your relationships.
- Navigate and Negotiate Boundaries: Learn strategies for setting and respecting boundaries in all areas of life.
- Identify Roles in Relationships: Recognize how the roles you play impact relationship dynamics.
- Cultivate Intimacy: Discover ways to foster intimacy and strengthen connections everywhere.
Click here to preview Esther Perel’s MasterClass
By trusting intuition, setting clear boundaries, learning from relationship mistakes, and cultivating self-love, women can reclaim their power and build healthier, safer connections.